how about no!

Who/What is this?

you are a vortex, you are honest, deep and true
a beautiful paradox, i’ll fall into you

Political/Economic/Business Leaders:

he puts his responsibility into lists of rules and regulations creating a responsibility gap
i put my responsibility into myself trying to deal with ‘me problems’ creating neurosis and “growth”

What’s better eating food or philosophy?

should i sit and think with a head full of questions?
or sit and eat and live my life with those that i love?

I don’t want to make this about “us” and “them”.

I don’t want to have a special preference for something just because I have put time, effort, and/or money into that thing.

I don’t want to think of any human being as being an “other”.

I don’t want to ignore new evidence because it’s different to my beliefs.

I don’t want to believe things whose evidence is all from the same source or methodology more than multiple sources and different reasoning.

I don’t want to rely on anecdotes and anomalies to prove something.

I don’t want to invent a relationship between two unrelated things.

I don’t want to believe something just because I think about it a lot.

I don’t want to make existence all about the human experience.

I don’t want to necessarily associate things because I have associated them before.

I don’t want to avoid thinking about things because they have never happened before.

I don’t want to inadvertently manipulate my life into being just my expectations.

I don’t want to assume I am less biased than anyone else.

I don’t want to assume that people who agree with one thing I believe necessarily share more beliefs of mine.

I don’t want to assign high accuracy to descriptions that are deliberately vague and wide.

I don’t want to assume something is true because it fits in with my current beliefs.

I don’t want to think I am in control of things that I am not.

I don’t want to overestimate how much other people have knowledge of my mental health.

I don’t want to assume others are more egotistical than myself.

I don’t want to think I can make consistent decisions at varying levels of tiredness and/or hunger.

I don’t want to assume that other people are more predictable than myself.

I don’t want to necessarily be more compassionate to fewer identifiable victims than more unidentified ones.

I don’t want to assume losing something is more impactful than having gained it.

I don’t want to appreciate an immediate benefit more than something that has a later payoff that is arguably more valuable.

I don’t want to ignore probability when making an uncertain decision.

I don’t want to prefer making a very small risk into zero risk over making a very large risk into a very small one.

I don’t want to draw different conclusions from the same information presented in different ways.

I don’t want to think of dread as outweighing the power of savouring.

I don’t want to assume the status quo is better than an alternative because it’s what I am used to.

I don’t want to assume that big events have big consequences.

I don’t want to doubt my actual talents and abilities in fear of being called a fraud.

I don’t want to favour opinions of people just because they are in the same demographic or group or situation of myself.

I don’t want to believe in a statement just because it has been made multiple times.

I don’t want to believe in a statement just because it has been made multiple times.

I don’t want to believe in a statement just because it has been made multiple times.

I don’t want to think knowing about bias is enough to overcome it.

What is?

Waking up feeling safe. Going to sleep feeling safe. Eating. Drinking. And laughter.

What is?

Appreciating my senses. Seeing the sky. Feeling the wind. Hearing the birds. Smelling the flowers. Tasting some fruit. Sensing space. Sensing my body tense and relax. Focusing on my breath.

What is?

Being loved. Loving others. Connections. Caring. Friendship. Non transactional relationships. Being grateful. Having capacity for understanding. Spending energy. Relaxing. Sex and masturbation.

What is?

Peace. Liberty. Freedom. Support. Healthcare. Social safety nets. Cooperation. Collaboration. Collective ownership. Representation. Diversity. Inclusion. Equity. Human rights.

I was just thinking about how existing street light infrastructure was at some point upgraded to replace inefficient lighting methods with modern LEDs so much so that I had a good look out of the window to admire their design, and then guess what, they turned on!

I am winning at life. That much is indisputable

closed up in a primal rage
lost the keys for my heart’s lock
what is it about summer that makes me feel so cold?
the isolation of waking up drenched in sweat in an empty house
if i don’t shower my skin cools with a subtle musk scent
a lost glimmer dies within the backdrop of inverse shadow
as i swim through the thick humid cloud that surrounds me
agitation is burning within me
lit by rays of a combusting glow

days are too long and the spirit is too weak
the fires die down ‘though water is too brief
light blinds my senses as my head rings
if i could rest it would be until autumn

alone around people with their sun charged vibes
oppression and heat beat down day and night
aloof and distant
unfriendly daze
i cannot escape this moment
excitement seems so far away
tiresome day
hastened night
combine until the wind blows once more
and i am free of this annual prison floor

I mean this as a genuine complaint and in no way a troll towards people who suffer like this in reverse, but summer is dreadful, I hate it! Even on a rainy day it sucks.

Give me a lack of light, cold weather, opportunities to wear warm clothes. Warming up is much easier than cooling down, making things bright is much easier than making things dark.

I can’t cope with 17 hours of daylight. It’s too hot all the time, I’m uncomfortable, sunburned, constantly pouring sweat! My skin turns to shit, I am dehydrated and irritable.

Fuck this! My eyes can’t cope with light. It hurts my overheating brain. Everything and everyone seems to have loads of extra energy and are super active. It’s the opposite for me. I can’t function, at all.

Everything seems more aggressive and oppressive in summer. I am a sensitive person mentally and physically and I don’t like it. I wish I could fly north to escape. Birds have the right idea. At least I feel better for having a good moan.

/rant

Objective fact. Objective fact. Objective fact. Objective fact. Objective fact. Subjective opinion. Objective fact. Objective fact. Objective fact. Objective fact. Objective fact. Unanswerable question? Objective fact. Objective fact. Objective fact. Objective fact. Objective fact. Subjective opinion. Objective fact. Objective fact. Objective fact. Objective fact. Objective fact.

Beauty is a moments escape. To leave oneself and still exist. A marriage of our experience of consciousness with another’s.

Our temporary senses can be unlocked and used for assessing the world around us. To see or hear something and realise that life is not limited to our experiences is freeing. This is virtuous interpretation.

Skillful artists can replicate nature in a way that connects us with this wider concept. We forget ourselves and find beauty. We feel goodness.

I will stop writing now, my food smells ready, and I am hungry

I really really enjoy the feeling of living the same day over and over. It reinforces feelings of happiness, comfort, safety, needs being met, no nasty surprises, etc. but when I have an exciting dream that’s surreal and weird or actually do something different, I am like “wow! I really am not living at all”

i’m alone, i need some social interaction, but wait, here comes a thought:

”humans are the worst. i hope nukes rain down from the skies”

john! what the fuck was that!?

ok, whatever, use the procedure

what emotion was it?
was it appropriate?
was it real?
can you rationalise it?
does it have bias? if so, can you balance it?
why did you think that?
how you resolve it and prevent it happening again?
how do you feel now?
are you sure?
do you need some food/water?
do you feel safe? if not, tell someone.

you’ve done your best. accept it and move on

awhhh shit. here comes another thought, this is going to be a long day and i’m already exhausted

”people are ashamed of me for thinking such nonsense”

FUCK SAKE!

ok, whatever, use the procedure

(Afterthought, one week later: Do bad thoughts promote and encourage more bad thoughts? Or do good thoughts come from bad thoughts and bad thoughts come from good thoughts – the same way there is company to be had in solitude and solitude to be had with company)

Day 13704 on planet Earth.

Yet again I find myself sat alone in a room listening to structured melodic sounds watching a moving image of people hitting spherical objects around a very large green table with sticks whilst I drink tea and wonder what is happening in my life.

Q. How do I feel consistently content and mentally well?
A. Don’t think sad thoughts.

Q. How do I feel more active and enthusiastic?
A. Do more fun stuff.

Q. How do I lose weight and feel better about the way I look?
A. Eat less food.

Q. How do I put on weight and feel better about the way I look?
A. Eat more food.

Q. How do I make friends and influence people?
A. Don’t be a dick.

Q. How do I save up for a rainy day and make myself more financially secure?
A. Spend less money.

Q. How do I become more attractive to possible romantic partners?
A. Smile.

Q. How do I stop the existential dread that haunts my brain whenever I am alone or in silence?
A. Don’t worry about things.

Talking to you, is nice, and calms me down, and fills me up, so I empty. Like the noise of recycle bin or trash or bin emptying, I give myself notice of little changes. My dopamine boost of the day could be a visual cue: Rapid batting eyelids, or the colour of the tea being poured from my teapot; just something to make me feel like everything is alright, even if it isn’t. That feeling that it is, is important. I know it’s temporary. Things will change. But I like to give myself a moments peace when I can. That’s important to me. I have learned to live better by going through pain. I can adjust. However much I tell myself I can’t when I’m stressed. I can. It’s easy if I talk to you.

Yeah, I REALLY like cats!

Hey! What’s going on?
Sometimes I walk and think
What is that bird doing
So I watch in the rain

Sometimes it’s mouth is full
Not of food
But moss and vegetation
Lining for a nest

Where’s it going?
Bobbing up and down
As it flies along
As light as a feather

So where’s it’s mate?
I look around
There’s a lizard
What if it’s mate is a lizard?

What if I were a lizard?
Everyone could be replaced
By a lizard
If we are lucky

There’s a lizard
Inside us all
What is the universe?
It’s a lizard

My home is not a rock
But is a lizard’s scale
Darting across the moor
On lightning legs

I’m hungry and tired
I’d talk to my friend
But she’s a lizard
And cannot speak

Under the weather
I have a cold
The bird is gone
So has the moss

So what is left?
Hope and relativity
Simple truths
And a lizard

Faith is about experiencing a force or power external to me. What defines faith, for me, is never knowing what this power is.

This power does not provide meaning, nor does it provide understanding, but it is there, always pulling. Undefinable, any effort to give it a name or characteristics is to stray from it’s awesomeness.

I feel it most when I am somewhere remote, just me and the elements, feeling small amongst the wider environment. Being still in all things helps it appear, a true reflection of existence, of what is beyond consciousness.

It is what is left in the absence of things. Yet it gives life to everything. With no knowable intent or prophecy, it can reach all, giving them a glimmer of the peace behind all the shit that has come after it. Changes are happening all around you. Along with uncertainty and death, change is certain. It is are one of the few certainties.

It reminds me to do good for those around me and the places I inhabit. It teaches sometimes things just happen because they happen and that we are the ones providing extra context or meaning. Detached from involvement in our awareness, we can choose to be the observer when it suits us, when it feels good. It reminds me I am part of something bigger which is at the same time something small. That I must separate my thoughts and actions from the wider environment and make them improve that environment sustainably and without much effort.

It is the small things that make the world big. A friendly gesture or an open heart. Being honest and real can make your heart grow bigger than the world. Always listen because you never know when you might hear something beautiful. To be awake is to be aware and to be aware is to feel the faith.

So whether you believe this or not. Regardless of whether you find this unrealistic or too idyllic. I have one request… Please take care on your journey through life, take care of yourself, take care of your surroundings, take care of others. Be open and real and honest, with love and hope and empathy, we can feel together even when we are alone.

That is partly how I apply my meaning to the things I experience. How do you do?