Trapped lone solace in captivity
Isolated mind specifically
Locked in, cold, naked, and so, so bored
Wet, shivering, sitting, and ignored
Bankrupt and starving, getting older
Always in pain, a frozen shoulder
Can’t move, everything’s grey, give over
Can’t hear, it’s all too much, moreover
The silence is too loud, a dark shroud
Hanging around, a leaden cloud, proud
Of no one and nothing, my ears ring
The birds don’t sing, my cat’s dead play thing
Lukewarm tea, miles away from the sea
My friends flee, overlooking my plea
Long lost glee, hope gone, I cannot see
I’ve lost thee, hopeless, she set me free
I live for you, Clem, and tea.
I will not hear of stern words said against the tea.
With crossed spears and bashing on shields!
With whipped fervour and impetuous rage!
With uncontrollable unconscious uninhibited!
With audacious actions of high powered regret!
I will not hear of stern words the tea.
For I live for tea, Clem, and thee!
I am writing this to you
Even though you feel poo
To let you know
And try to show
You are loved
Soon you will feel better
So read carefully every letter
You might not feel it now
But I promise you somehow
You are loved
Bad times don’t last forever
Hold tight, never say never
Together we can get through
Me, you, and cats too
You are loved
It’s ok to feel bad
Or had, mad, or sad
With hope we can see
A bright future to be
And remember you are loved
Laying in bed a forsaken fleeting feeling lingers
A heavy humid dread sitting on my chest
The weight of an extinguished wheeze
Pain from a thousand unwanted thoughts
The tick of a clockwork existential death threat
A days worth of bottled rage bubbling up from my gut
Parallels with processes of wrong uns
An unwanted empathy for the worst of the worst
Alone at night in the dark with nothing but a million voices
Carrying all kinds of criticism and conflicting neurosis
Nothing to calm the nerves but the falling rain
But even the most burdensome troubles can get washed away
Fighting is difficult
The system is rigged
The children are vulnerable
They climb a never ending mountain
To grasp at stars always out of reach
The trust don’t have faith
The kids are at risk
Set up to fail on their journey
Some destined to fall through the gaps
This fight is more than a video game, it’s life
Living in the soil is a little worm
Breaking up the earth for roots to grip
The sun beats down on all the leaves
The rain helps give the plants life
Growing plants is therapeutic
Sometimes you get nice crisp apples
It is useful to get support to grow
As a plant and as a person
That is why Kelsey is helping me write
To catalogue and process mental growth
I am grateful for all the help I’ve received
To become who I want to be
I am not a worm I feel like a plant in the soil
I just need help sending down my roots
Inevitable, he will stop at nothing
Killer of legacies, destroyer of lineage
The gift our mothers gave us will expire
Resistance is futile
He arrives peacefully in your sleep
An end to the experience
A creator of ghostly memories
But what is a memory when there is no one to remember it?
He stalks our every second of existence
Ready to pounce on a moments misfortune
Roots always reach downwards
To keep us fed until is time for terror from above
He is a faithful companion
Agile, like swift retribution
Not always fair
To him it is sport
Those in control amplify his effects
The ever diminishing resources
Fire erupts in his steadfast gaze
Like his heat that will consume us all
A column of water from the tap
Falls down past the sink bowl into the gap
Glugs in the drain through the trap
And back up again to the gutters wrap
Drop to the sewer a waste of water
Dilutes a foul mix towards the sorter
At the treatment plant works her daughter
Helping recycle like she taught her
Overflow the sewage because it’s raining
Cry do the bosses as investment is waining
Not for lack of profit sustaining
The wealth of the richest always obtaining
Nationalise it so the profits rebuild
The infrastructure and talent so skilled
Repair it where damage got spilled
And improve it all as payments fulfilled
I don’t know much
The more I know
The more I don’t
The ever expanding universe
Fixing a 12 year old laptop is therapeutic
I hope the octogenarian owner will enjoy using Linux
A new lease of life for a dying machine
And for it’s owner’s technological twilight
I like shapes
Circle circle circle circle circle
Oblong oblong oblong oblong
Triangle triangle triangle
Wiggly bezier polygon
Clear water flows down my sink
if it’s not blocked
or the bowl’s in
Patterned dishes pile up on the side
if I’ve tidied up
or I am lazy
Chrome tap drips very slightly all day
if the hosepipe adapter
or other is on
Silent clock doesn’t tick in this house
if I’m staying here
or I go crazy
The air feels clear today
Mackerel skies patterned
Chrome feels laggy
My laptop is silent
Tick tock goes the clock
In my parent’s house
Or in at my Grandparent’s
I am suffering here
A slow walk down the lane.
One foot in front of the other.
A steady plod to escape your mind.
See less, hear less, think less.
Let yourself disappear.
In a tapestry of vibrant diversity, we find,
Bound by shared humanity, hearts aligned.
Together we stand, breaking barriers confined,
Embracing differences, unity enshrined.
In a symphony of colours, we unite,
Honouring uniqueness, with radiance bright.
For every voice resonates, shining light,
In this grand mosaic, love takes flight.
Let prejudice crumble, injustice fades away,
As empathy and compassion hold sway.
For in our shared journey, we strive each day,
A world where acceptance has the final say.
No divisions shall hinder our united stride,
But solidarity and respect, side by side.
With open hearts, bridges we build wide,
Harbouring the worth of each life’s pride.
Let kindness be the language we employ,
A force that transcends, bringing lasting joy.
With every heartbeat, harmonise we shall enjoy,
A world where equality we all employ.
In this ode to togetherness, we convey,
The strength of bonds that guide our way.
With unwavering spirit, let’s ignite,
A future where inclusivity shines bright.
Your voice made me collapse
Into your arms, into your heart
Your words brought me to the end
Of all my hatred and all my cruelty
One day you’ll walk through my door
One day we’ll suffer no more
On some level, in some way, we can make that day today
With hope we can take all of our unhappiness away
Your unhinged laughter made me doubt
All the false certainties holding me back
Your survivors spirit made me sad
That I had not met you earlier
One day I’ll stop striving to be
One day we’ll be you and me
On some level, in some way, we can make that day today
With hope and pride we can take all of our unhappiness away
Rhymes fucking suck
They just make it cheesy
But once I had luck
And they particularly pleased me
My boat on your shoreline
Called in for a while
A glimpse of your smile
Oil stains the water
Rainbows in the air
Hearts won’t stop beating
Whenever you are there
With soil and sun
I look below
To the rain undone
Time will have a say
And salt and the sea
But nothing bad remains
Between you and me
The clock ticks are metered
Afloat by the coast
Met up in secret
I love you the most
Trees drowning in tar
Caught in a trap
You’re clinging to roots
Nurture your chap
You personify water
I’m buoyant around you
Soon countdown to zero
With no end in view
April showers and unseasonal snow have turned last autumn’s leaves to stems and mud.
Droplets in my beard and the spray of salt whet my appetite for a seaside treat.
Black sand under my nails is like a manifestation of yesterday’s social media chatter.
Irritating like the effect the bobbing of the boats on the violent spring tide.
The door bangs from a through draft.
The sound of drums for my next song.
A woosh of smoke comes from an open window
Leaving an aroma I can’t describe.
The breakwater serves its purpose but one day will be breached.
The gas bubbling up from a leak of international importance.
The sand turns to glass in the heat.
The glass melts like the ice that I didn’t ask for in my drink.
I feel cold and it is getting dark.
Less hair under my cap each day
No consequences for me but we will all face what is coming.
More rain and a swell wall of water washing away our past and all of our misdemeanours.
Not cleansed but destroyed.
A hollow shell of our former selves.
I pick up a stone from the beach to keep
But that thievery will kill the hardy trees that line the cliff here.
I feel empty at night.
For all the soft power
Only the brittle and broken remain.
Gone are my dreams tonight.
Gone are my dreams tomorrow.
The broken pieces of my life held together by plenty of red tape.
The pale sudden flicker of wholesome humanity against the glorious majesty of the universe.
Everything’s going on.
But you are the focus of my crimson dreams.
The finite resources depleted and the planet’s impending destruction.
The freedoms we have abused. The disrespect shown. We might be too far gone to stop now.
Nothing else matters.
Except you and me and our scarlet vision.
The regulations we set are there for a reason.
The forces at work in universe are too big to understand. The powers on Earth too finite to avoid control. Life in the red.
People fallen to corruption.
Is human organisation destined to fail?
Not when there is hope and love. Repeated and underlined. Repeated and unlined. So grateful for your regular support.
In a haze considering every thought and feeling she ever had.
Loving me more than a helpless pet on the street.
Appreciating the highest but lifting the lowest of art.
Queen of the clouds, even her sarcastic scowl envelops the sky.
Quietly spoken she said to me that only the fierce survive.
She smelled like a familiar indescribable aroma.
Standing next to me she looked like a million rainbow sighs.
Her touch felt like a teardrop on my lips.
The softest fluffy grey cardigan hung on her shoulders.
Dressed to kill all the badness in the neighbourhood.
She’s tired but gives life to the trees and grass and the moss.
She’s the rain and these days she’s crying all the time.
I miss your old face. (Lizard) Distorted and vague.
Check on me on your way down.
Together again for a moment; I frown.
Your life sounds cold. You moved out of town.
Ages since you left. (Wizard) Shaken and torn.
You went missing once and vowed never again.
Frozen in torment; a familiar refrain.
A broken promise. A broken brain.
I’ve seen my share. (Blizzard) Lost and found.
That icy night we put the town to right.
Built a new vent; shone a new light.
We put away the past. I buried you tonight.
He’s cold in this hollow box
It’s warm on the outside he begs
She’s the only blanket he wants
Followed by a bow to play at courting
Summer has gone away for a while
He feels a key change of the weather
She’s unlocking her viola case and
Reading a mournful note from her lover
Harmonies sing when he’s around
Her heart grows big, her hair on end
The vibrations of love flow up her spine
Through cords of silken electricity
They used to relax into each other’s arms
When time proved to be an illusion
A song that is always there
Kept safe in the instrument of her desire
Sat to one side
You cling to your negativity
Anything good is a ride
A catastrophe for any opportunity
You sing without purity
But still you manage
To survive and cope with adversity
No one can hear you
Signalling so quietly
Righteous fury flows through
Your every action and quality
So one day stop
And listen to nothing
No more luggage to cop
Find some peace in your own belonging
Can we give a moment now to those who died
Called cowards in their own country.
More brave than me
These martyrs for peace
In a world bent on destruction.
Shot by their own for believing alone
When war could stop with one word from a despot.
Now we’re standing eye to eye in our enemy’s land
It’s a long way to go for salvation.
It seems folly to me that just one man’s deeds
Decides the fate of a nation
But it’s unlucky for them
We’ve got peace on our hem
And will protest war on every occasion.
Belief in ourselves and those in the hell
Of conflicts far and wide
To just stop for now would feel good.
Let’s get round the table and eat while we’re able
And we’ll look within for the power of peacetime.
My mother taught me to speak.
My father taught my tone.
Lessons learned are easily forgotten
without an environment in which to thrive.
The hourglass trees recycle the atmosphere.
Sending their roots down as anchors.
A reminder to balance when stationary.
Moving is an effort not to be taken for granted.
A struggle in my mind can be repetitive.
The same thoughts dripping out of my mind.
Like some sort of water torture
Or buzzing and ringing at an uncomfortable pitch.
We are responsible for each other.
For the animals and plants.
The seas and the skies.
Suffering, at our inadequate hands.
An overdue lesson my birthday came like a chocolate torte
My family my classmates demanding no time for any thought
Get the food ready said the dinnerlady to my tired self
So focused on this schoolwork I had no time for my mental health
Mid life crisis at break time but I’d forgot my packed lunch
Celebrating another year with three generations an unruly bunch
Take me back in time and I’d drop out all over again
Exams like a shootout but when it’s my turn I miss my pen
Typing notes on my phone I’ve forgotten how to write
It’ll take me 35 years to remember but one day I just might
As the world had closed up I stared into my mouth, mirrored forth.
I saw the world opening amongst broken, yellow pearls.
Paths revealed themselves in front of me, some south, some north.
Unfamiliar and not a crossroads, as such, my hazy vision swirled.
The glass holding my toothbrush smashed on the floor.
A reverberation of the crash seemed to last forever.
I looked down. Red blood at my feet. A hole opened up to the door.
Once imprisoned. Now an escape route of falling and landing never.
Is this flight? Surely not fight. More likely fright.
I felt trapped, caught, constrained in this emotional hell.
Beyond repair, hoping for a fix, another episode at the dentist might.
I used a brush to sweep up the shards. In guilt, shame and fear I dwell.
Over read and over thought; chewed up and thrown out.
Told to a friend but in it goes in one ear and out the other.
“If only you knew him like I know him.” They’d say.
Not possible when it’s just one story for them but an encyclopaedia for you.
Scratched and worn,
I wear a coat of guilt.
It hides my shame.
Pride wilts in greyscale norms,
Society’s potential colour wilts.
No reason not to choose your own names.
The pandemic’s shine is becoming worn.
The party engine will be at full tilt.
Dancing alone; no longer my forced aim.
You couldn’t sleep,
I wouldn’t think.
All our fears were here,
We had started to sink.
You were so uncomfortable
A mouthful of cotton to mend.
No moment felt finished,
Gravely gathered at the end.
We held Time’s hand,
We held onto each other.
As we sat this one out
In the safety cupboard together.
A stopwatch and a timer
Couldn’t stop it either.
Sound to distraction,
Calls to the ether,
Rising tides so far away
No blip on our meter.
We held Time’s hand
We held onto each other.
And all the luck in the world wouldn’t find you here
All the same things happen every year, I hear
Changes come and go but you are always the same
Ideals fluid enough to know who win this frame
A double kiss then pulled off early before the next sesh
I couldn’t look at you but I still knew you were a mess
The tension mounted all around
Out of position I couldn’t bear it when you frowned
I love you.
Is that what I should say?
I don’t know what will come of it
But I’ll say it anyway
Cold winds blow through my wide open window.
Freezing in this moment; I look and listen.
You’re asleep. Outspoken in your dream.
An electric shiver up my back.
A foot kicks out. A cat climbs on.
Floating uphill I have been taken by the night.
A technicolour sky and bright green grass.
The tightrope bridge falls and I with it.
The cat jumps down. You’ve farted.
Alpha had small touch of my cardigan.
A nice way of saying hello with warmth.
She was happy to see me that day.
Walking through halls of an old school.
A beta test for future studies with some of my favourite people.
My anxiety was high that day.
Like gamma rays flying straight through me.
A panic on some stairs.
Overwhelmed with the attention.
Her model’s features were hidden by her smile.
It was as a wide as a delta.
Her hair was thin.
Her heart was not.
Her blood flowing through me so fast.
If the quality of our differences outweighs the quantity of them we can make a good team.
Since watching the world together we can see the same scenes from our different views.
The set will be constructed by us for us. Outward looking at the illusions we perceive within.
Two is greater than one over time. Encounters may come and go. Together with time on our side. We build foundations.
The only enemy we have is selfishness.
I like to read books slowly. Digesting what I’ve seen. Yours is a book with no end which I can never put down.
How are we so different
but essentially the same?
How do I care so much
when I have nothing to gain?
Why did I stay when you
gave me that pain?
Because you showed me hope in a way
where it never can wain.
You are a star that will never supernova.
All I want is your suffering to be over.
We can heal each other and show the world what’s good.
And value ourselves and stay alive like people should.
Vast universe. Not afraid.
Hard feelings. Gently expose.
Soft inside. Be kind.
Love you. Always.
Close your eyes. Where are you now? Open your eyes. You’re somewhere else. If you ever need to refresh; just blink.
A tired voice sounds sexy to some ears. It’s ok to be worn out. If you are not feeling sexy time tonight, eat something, get some rest.
A goblin could devour every nerve on your skin and you’ll live inside your isolation tank brain forever. Enjoy the fleeting because it’s not sticking around. Remember that when you’re in the depths of the bog.
Quieten your sense of subjective self. A part that feels like a whole is still a part. And when that black hole inside makes itself known then tell it to swallow the bits you don’t like.
Feed others and your brain will be fed. Keep people happy. Provide food, shelter, and an open heart.
Today is a break in the cloud of yesterday’s depression and tomorrow’s anxiety.
A point of light, almost piercing in its clarity, highlights the gift of the present.
Do not fear this focus; this freedom: It is a vacuum playground for you to fill or observe.
As patterns are set here they can easily be unravelled. In this moment knit together your life as you see fit.
Past loss and future gain are dreams kept either side of your real life. A plain cup that sits between decorated spectres.
These ghosts of prize and pain in years from now and times gone by are with you now only because you have been given the present.
The skill you were born with was to just do things without intention. Use this and yesterday’s depression and tomorrow’s anxiety will disappear.
Beans climbing up the bamboo canes
Wigwams reaching for the light
We could grow if we didn’t know your name
Steady and solid like a tortoise preserving it’s might
Houses lined up in the streets
Each their own universe
Food tonight provides a treat
My own recipe for these leftovers it could be worse
Hiding away with my favourite sounds
Nothing much could be better than this bass
I found nothing and nothing I have found
These moments are the greatest gift – they’re ace
A colossal foundation for an ideal life
From the ashes of branded waste
Self sufficiency and recycled joy frees our strife
Our wants illusions frequenting at haste
Slowed water but not still
The ashes can settle
The feeling of will
Thoughts wrought by metal
The ground we cannot refill
Our wares smash – so brittle
Trees we kill
Burn for our kettle
Tea revives our energy unspent
Groups of believers tell us to repent
Guilty of the same crimes if not more
Do we have to tell them the score?
Time is on our side
one day the pope will be an ai programmed to guide us away from sin
there was an eyelash stuck to my slice of cheese so i closed my eyes and ate it
announcement. we are having a party at 8pm to join you must lie on the floor of a cold dark room alone and listen to erik satie gnossienne no 1 on repeat for twenty minutes. there is a strict policy of no alcohol only lukewarm salt water. dress code is dark. pets are mandatory
Sometime ago. I came across a fellow. He looked so bright and gay. On that sunny day in May.
It felt so good with him. Somehow we just fit. So I asked his name. He looked at me with disdain.
He said “you are not desirable. I do not want you”. My heart sank. Was this a prank?
“Please, I beg, no.” I cried out to him. He walked out the door. I dried my eyes and looked at the floor.
Several years past. I grew my beard out. Maybe he won’t recognise me now. Maybe he was just a silly cow.
we don’t know what paragraphs are for. i hummed along to the same old song – a song for the encumbered #instapoet
Holland is not the Netherlands, Colin, what you say and what is
Mackerel sky dotted with hungry birds
Deflated poet, pen in hand, running out of words
Fallen seeds sown by the late summer wind
Take sprout next spring lest the birds find
Isolation. Taking pill after pill. Quell the screaming. Yet still making myself ill.
Turn your backs. The help is for themselves. The darkness that cannot be lit. Not even by the elves.
Systemic failures. Arise in solidarity. But faced with walls upon walls. No fall for this city.
Carried to the morgue. In a car with an anonymous driver. A symbol of us all. Hope and happiness yet neither.
A turn in a walk. Giving up yet pages turn. A book can teach a lot. But we will never learn.
Diffused. Our bodies no longer intertwined. Breathing without our lungs we just work for the colony. Stolen hope. Stolen lives. Stolen Queen.
Carrying a massive twig several times my size. Easily I admit but I have no audience to brag to. At least, no one who listens. How is time perceived to a lost ant finding his way in the world?
We are many. I am few. Alone in a crowd. The same cliches trapped in my mind. Going around and around and around. What do they want this twig for anyway?
Disenfranchised and abandoned. A cold wind is simply not felt. We are impervious.
Likeminded support. Are they just as bad as me?
A bunch of lies served to ease the pain. They just rewrote history and we forgot our joy. I’m sure in at least two late nineties 3D animation feature films. You can see me now. Hurting.
Grit spread across the road. Ice falls from the sky. A woman carrying a heavy load. He’s stood at home making curry pie.
A thoughtless word. Shrugged off as a joke. Another whisper of discontent heard. So much tea he’s feeling woke.
Hypocrisy from the soul. Conflicting needs. An animal within has control. The monster inside silently feeds.
Translucent like a glass fish.
Embellished as a plank of wood.
Battered by localised solar wind.
Neutrino holes in my soul.
Collective agony brought together with a symphony
of fingers and thumbs mashing screens we see.
We’re not alone, we can chew on this wood, together.
Nothing happens all at once
so pandas take their time.
Shared experiences and friendly faces,
voices that don’t quite fit the words,
and group chats that can last forever.
It’s forever November. I am hurting. You’re my medicine and my poison. It’s not working.
I cannot remember. The good times had. When the sun last rose. Now things are always bad.
The leaves have left. Everything is black. The beginning was the end of it all. The emotions I lack.
Something is wrong. I binge but I’m empty. Just a bucket wanting to be filled and emptied. Quick fixes so tempting.
I don’t trust you. But I don’t trust myself. I need you in my life so much. Is it good for my health?
Crashing branches smack against the ground after the sky’s electric bolt severs the tree in two.
Car alarms are heard, dogs bark, rough pavements sink underwater in the precipitation’s deluge.
A coffin of pine holds the dearly beloved, the recently deceased, the forgotten man. His Alzheimer’s￼ his parting gift to the ashes for a jar.
The door is shut. I want in. Please listen whilst I struggle. I can’t find the words to say. I hope my presence is enough.
A floor made of bleeding mouths sewn shut by heartstrings. Each footstep a kick in the face. He gets stabbed in a dark alley. ‘Oh my spleen!’ He cries out as his attacker opens his wings and flies off into the night. A curtain a creek open lets a blade of light shine on to the wall, sending the cats crackers as a car drives past outside. I’ve had my hole sealed with super glue and I’m desperate to go. Yesterdays cooking is the smell in the air. An hourglass on its side rolls off a table and smashes in to pieces on the ground. A gently sleeping mouse is toyed with and brutally killed by my cat for my benefit.
You found me lost in a field of snow.
You kept me and took me home to live in your secret drawer.
No longer depressed but I always will be your blue friend.
I made a home in your posession. I had belonging. A buzzing love.
Then you left me and you moved out to be with a real flesh boy.
I am lost in a field of snow.
A frostbite wind cuts across the field
Six horses gallop from one side to the other
And back. The wind does not relent.
Seek shelter horses for collapse is upon us.
My main drive has weakened I have not eaten
My food on the floor. What service is this?
It is winter and the cold crosses riot within my harness and braces tighten.
A contract to count here and stop there. My food is not orange it is silver frozen dew.
A metallic container is my vessel to a unlikely doom.
Travelling whilst trapped; a hijack of hooves and a late delivery of hay.
I career up the side. Trot my vocation. A lost dream in this nation.
The ice pick in my back is a permanent end to what might have been.
Blowing bubbles from my nose.
An infectious calamity on my back.
The ruin of all we have. Not the viruses we carry but a unhelpful destructive nature.
The weather is in my mirror this time of year. Why the long face?
This poem was written with a pencil held taut in my anus.
Flora had a feeling in her gut.
Stuck in a rut. She struts and hurts her foot.
She didn’t know what she did feel. Without an even keel. She didn’t feel he was real.
He wanted to cause an explosion in her life. To cut herself free from strife. He wanted her for his wife for life.
She left him for another man. Because she can. She went in with no plan for Dan.
He had hope. Her heart said nope. He felt like a dope and could only just cope.
What could I say?
She let the clock do the talking.
I can’t listen to the tick.
Desperate to hear words
My mind won’t click into gear.
I ask myself what I want to say.
My mind isn’t that.
Constant chaos. Fire leaks through me.
I hope you are well.
And I do
But is it enough
Does it really matter?
Hope is the water that calms my fire.
Ticking is my enemy that winds me up.
Everything is changing.
Nothing is certain.
I’ll ‘hmmm’ like the Witcher
Because isn’t life a bitcha?
If you turn to stone
You’ll get weathered and old.
But if you flow like water
Your youth will never falter.
Destiny is waiting
For you to grab the reins
So I ask you my dear,
Please keep me near.
Set in her ways.
Knows exactly how she likes things.
And has fantastic taste in music.
The crocodile with curly hair is an amazing creature.
Unique in her outlook; she is quite friendly once she’s comfortable.
There’s an entire universe in her head.
In that vast space lives a young cat.
With her nearest and dearest; she is loved by everyone.
Quiet, but caring, she can snap at those less understanding.
Be careful crocodile. Your teeth are sharp and strong. You might just eat everything and everyone!
So I remember this rhyme:
Crocodile with her cat in space.
Will always beat you at cards.
She has up her sleeve an ace.
If that doesn’t work she’ll fire a laser from mars!
I wonder what you are doing. Are you feeling good?
I hope you have a smile on your face. Are you at ease?
Call me in the night and tell me everything.
I don’t want to just live for myself.
Lemon rind. Lemon juice. Slices for drinks. Seeds for a new tree. Don’t waste your time.
There’s nothing better I’d rather do. Than spend my time talking to you.
Watch the waves roll in on a moonlit summer night. Breathe in; breathe out.
‘Sharing is caring’ I now say. Instead of ‘You will be the death of me’.
I have learned this and that. I actually learned most of it from my cat.
Before we lost it all we had everything but each other.
I hope you can heal and not make the same mistakes twice.
I wanted you to be mine for forever but you assumed I did not.
Yes, you learned I am not perfect. Now you have moved on. Ask him before assuming.
* * *
I can’t write. I wish I could write. I don’t want to write. I don’t need to write. I can put a smile on someone’s face.
* * *
A flicker from a candle.
Steam rising from a mug.
A cold evening with no heating.
I’m not doing everything I should.
* * *
Experience from my fleshy brain doesn’t matter.
Material. Numb. Medicated and subdued.
People are afraid of me. People hate my labels.
I cannot convince them all.
Universal consciousness abandoned.
* * *
Typing on my laptop makes a rhythmic beat on my keyboard. Exquisite, until I need a word I can’t spell.
She wants to run away
Into a strangers arms
Weaponised love; accepted
Her parents don’t care
Grandparents say she can cook
That’s her pitch
What will happen once you arrive
Lost and stranded
Strange land; distant people
She does it because she will care
Barely an adult; thin promise
A hope of better quality of life
Cut paper; cut fingers
Blood on her letters
She’s lost control; the words are empty
She wants an empty suit
A man who works
A leaf on the tallest tree
What is she after
She doesn’t know; she knows that much
Do you believe in radical acceptance?
Well think about it. It could help.
The world will be out to get you wherever you run. You cannot hide from yourself. Where can you go to seek shelter from pain? Within. In peace. In constant love. Conceptual romance. No bonds or knots. Alone or together. You will be fine. You will be at rest.
Ghoul under my skin
Tell her my secrets
Make me question everything
Ol’ time radio 1998
Worn out side B
Digital watch never ticks
Fuck me sideways
I’ve forgotten my glasses
Lost resting on my head
I let you out
When I shout to you
I say nothing
I keep my mouth shut
Stapled; filed away
Along with the false and fragile
Agonising about the future
I feel pain in my shoulder
No sleep ever again
I slept well
Last night I sewed
Embroidering life lessons
Scarf face mask
I will not steal
Closed shop. Too much wind.
Walls and mazes
Just let me
finish licking my fur
Then feed me
Petal in a book
for future reference
Give me a smile
not mine to receive
a delicate frown
Saved from myself
the same meal
yesterday’s best moment
With a friend
quick to react
gain and loss
Playing a game
never letting go
You hold it in a dream
With a cry
A stifled supressed scream
Year of the pig
The cleverest beast
No future is clear
Even looking east
Isn’t my body
Not good enough
Feeling myself shoddy
Wait ten mins
Keep in touch
I’ll write them down
A rainbow opposite the sun as the rain patters down on my yellow coat.
As I splash through the puddles rings erupt radiating from the drop’s root.
A brown tree drinks silently in this weather its inhabitants shelter, mostly, from the damp.
The purple plastic pollution that litters the ground looks like a human horror show.
We will wake the mammoths from the permafrost. The lakes will rise from the glaciers. The oceans will grow eroding all before them. Youth will suffer. Their children will suffer more. Will we do nothing?
Let’s drown our hatred and anger.
Seeing red mist float above the ever swelling sea.
No fish left. A bluebottle flies over plastic soup.
Let’s get in the water and swim for our lives.
Equality further away. Social division. Maths ignored at school; replaced by patriotism. Debt ever increasing. The few are taking control. Support is falling apart and our health is taken for granted. Will we do nothing?
Watching the world from your white house on the hill.
We hate you and all you stand for.
Wet from your ignorant spew we can turn you green.
A change from the orange burn of your hostile heated hatred.
What will we do?
A ghost in my left hand. Air in my right.
A fight for my mind starts and lasts all night.
Why should I do this? I don’t have to do that?
A cat gently breathing. Waking up. Emergency lick of it’s leg! Back to sleep.
I’m sorry if it seemed I didn’t care.
I really did. I just didn’t know I had to lick my leg.
I have new plans but I miss you.
A boy watches silhouettes walk around the neighbour’s house.
The light’s on in the bedroom. Are they alone tonight? Or tomorrow or any given night this week?
Night windows show the post declutter calm. A sad anticlimax and an empty room. Lonely footsteps back and forth. A wait of the modern age.
They don’t care if they don’t reply. He can’t see the tears landing on their phone. Waiting for a message while they sleep. It is folly.
You cannot block the flow of life.
You can regulate it or change it’s future course.
You cannot change where it has been.
You can choose to focus on the bits you really like.
The crucifying pain I carry in my head.
I’d smash it against stone walls until I drop down dead.
The pulsating murder of horror in my brain.
If only it would drown; deep in never ending rain.
I cannot walk. I cannot see.
Humanity’s hatred rules do not dare blame me.
I cannot hear. I cannot pee.
I’m fit to burst with rage; unforgivingly.
I want to die.
I can’t continue.
My mind has gone.
My rotting organs, a congregated retinue.
Let me go. I cannot wait.
My hatred burns all my mates.
I ruin everything. Don’t let me go.
I need you more than you know.
What whispers do you hear in the wind?
When your mind withers and you are just a bag of meat.
An object of lust for envied eyes.
Or a welcome companion to a loved one.
Horses canter through the field.
Playful nights and days in the elements.
Cold in the outside setting sun.
Moving brings health and warmth to those who come.
Such a lovely place.
On a hill with trees, bracken and heather.
Lone cow wanders.
Such solitude is healing.
Shared adventures postponed.
Lives split and shared more thin.
A calloused finger runs down my chest.
I don’t recognise this touch.
What is darkness to those lost in the wilderness.
A habitable home full of comfort and hope.
We survive here.
A solace of familiar weather.
Home at last.
*Until we all inevitably die, alone, suffering in the tremendous agony of what feels like an wasted eternity.
*Added for a friend who prefers a sad ending.
Time falls through my hands
Sand on floor
By the door
On the scratched stone tiles.
Never coming nor going
The circular bus
Drives on a round route
Serving as many streets as possible.
Never ending or beginning
What really is space?
What is brain activity?
A switch to be flicked on or off.
A journey of recovery
Doesn’t take time
It never ends
It is time.
This is to be read in your head
Or appreciated in bed.
Like a flood of information
from every nation
For your brain to be fed.
I don’t want to move.
My situation won’t improve.
Lying here will rest my brain
not moving an inch just listening to the rain.
There’s always something out there to sooth.
*Sooth your arse as it gets rubbed with steel wool!
*Added for a friend who prefers a sad ending.
The faceless voice that follows me around.
It is the nameless power that fills everything.
An anchor that roots me to my upbringing, to the places I lived, where I survived.
I want to share it with you.
How did this story unfold, let me tell you…
A pal in Rome took me swimming, she said she liked to be afloat, gliding with the current.
Now in the depths of the river; water flows lowly and in this place it was lifting us softly.
Neither strong nor solid life’s liquid fed the luscious growth on the river bank.
As we swam, it occured to us that water is the universal solvent, wearing away at everything it meets.
How we laughed after our day; laughter bubbled up spontaneously like a hillside spring.
Ice struck hard. Cracked mirror melts. Sea levels rise. We all drown.
What could happen between us. If we could watch the tide. If waves would roll over us. If we would never die.
Some people live on stilts, knocked over by the breeze, the lapping sea gently lilts, as we fall to our knees.
Not one of us is in control. Never acting out our intent. Don’t worry for what you can’t control. Your iron will is still there hell bent.
Planted by squirrels, we march to life’s whistle
Together in mud, we tower above
Spring bulbs below and birds in our hair
We all have some bark but make no sound in the air
What goes on beneath anchors our feet
We bind the land is how we play our hand
Leave us breathing well and oxygen we will sell
For we are the trees that build your society’s deeds